He's turned my mourning. Into dancing again. He's lifted my sorrows

"He's turned my mourning Into dancing again. He's lifted my sorrows"

My life is full of tiring, disappointing, sorrorw, anger, hopeless

But you know what? God turn my mourning into dancing.

My situation, nothing is changed. Still there are so much problems and trouble.

But, all day today, somehow, I was thinking about my entire life, 

I notice that God lead me all the way here U.S.

Before I meet my God, Gradewise, I was good student. But I wasn't a good student, morally.

I smoked like no other, two packs a day. 

I drank like no other, I don't even know how much I can handle.

Hang out with whole bunch of bad people. 

I had no English skill to live in United States.

I never expected got into the university I go to.

I never expected to lead praise even in United States.

I never expected that I can quit smoking drinking and all the stupid stuff.

I never expected to find good friends in this country or anywhere.

I never expected anything about my life. 
I am not even worthy to have all these things.

But "God"... with his unconditional love,

he healed my wounds, he wiped my tears, and he was always with me. 

Even though, I was messed up, he was with me. and He is with me.

Sometimes I never can understand what God do something to me,

But now, I know. Even though God gave me pain and suffering, 

that was always for greater things. I actually grew more.

My Second year. I was a praise team leader in KCCC. and I quit.

No one's decision, it was mine. I decided to leave. And I leave ministry.

I leave God. I stopped praise God with my guitar. I stopped pray.

I stopped. Yes, I believe he was there. But I stopped trust him.

I was mad. I was mad about my decision, and I was so mad about situation I was going through.

I went to church. Nothing was there. I could not feel God's gentle touch anymore.

I was mad. It was my darkest part of my life.

But even though I was stop trust him, he trusted me, and he trained me. 

He trained my phychological strength, he tought me what is right or wrong and he trained me in different ways.

Lots of stuff happen. My grandmother died. I went back to ministry to just find God. 

I needed something I can rely on. But no, He was not there. He was not in KCCC, He was not in Church,

He was not in Children's Ministry. The God who I was looking for was not there. 

But soon, I noticed that He was always right next to me.

Although, I cannot see my future cleary, he was leading me in right place.

Now, I am leading praise again with more prepared heart, 

He provided me great people, and most importantly, now I know God is holding my hand,

and I know he will never leave me for sure. Thank you God.

I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you” (Josh. 1:5)